My Left Foot

Last night, while on my way home, I wandered through the Sears at State and Madison, killing time before heading back to La Casa del Terror to feed the cats, watch Countdown with Keith Olbermann and whip up the latest batch of "bachelor's stew," which consists of whatever remains in the refrigerator or kitchen cupboards thrown into a bowl with lots of seasoning (or, at least, crushed red peppers) and a little prayer.

I wasn't looking for anything in particular--I've bought plenty of shirts and pants lately, but could always use a few more--and wound up in the shoe department, scanning the clearance shelves for something in my size that wasn't eye-burstingly awful. (There are reasons why these things wind up on the discount shelf.) My everyday shoes are starting to get a bit worn, and they'll need to be replaced sooner or later (prpbably sooner).

Finally, I spotted a "12" on a GPX box--good brand, decent price, could be something. I opened the box with hope...and held it open in confusion. I liked the look of the shoe in the box--I often wear bowling-style shoes, even though I rarely bowl and even when I do, I'm as likely to bowl a 50 as a 150--but there was the problem: There was just one shoe in the box, not a pair. I looked on the shelves and even cracked a few adjacent boxes, but the left shoe had gone missing. Where could it have gone? Did somebody walk out with one new shoe and leave the other behind?

I continued rooting around the shoe department, mostly wincing at either the styles of shoes I didn't like or the prices of shoes I did. I chanced upon another GPX box with my size on its side, and the style on display was very similar to the solo shoe I'd encounter before. I flipped the lid open and...found another right shoe with the left one nowhere in sight.

Did some shoplifter with two left feet put on shoes from two different styles and hope no one would notice? Were the left shoes lonely where they were/are? Did my left foot do something to offend the universe as a whole, or just the deity governing footwear in particular?

I left Sears with out anything but the money I had in my wallet when I came through the revolving door and the disappointment handed to me within.