The Last Five Movies I've Seen

Extract. Generally Speaking, I like the work of Mike Judge (creator of Bevis & Butt-Head and King of the Hill), and I love the cast, which includes Jason Bateman, J.K. Simmons, Kristen Wiig, Ben Affleck amd Mila Kunis, but Extract never really grabbed me. I giggled more than once, especially at Affleck as a bartender who thinks he's more worldwise than he actually is, and Simmons as a supervisor who can never remember his workers' names, more often calling them "Dingus" than by their real names (I've worked for guys like that). But the plots and subplots about sexual and professional frustration go nowhere very slowly. Not a bad movie--with the talent in front of and behind the camera, that would be damn near impossible--but not an engaging one, either.

Ponyo. Ponyo has neither the depth of character nor storytelling complexity of Hayao Miyazaki previous films, like Princess Mononoke or Spirited Away, but since it's aimed at a much younger audience (think five-year-olds), it doesn't necessarily require either. It does retain Miyazaki's visual texture, making his take on The Little Mermaid a delight for both the target audience and older folks who just appreciate beautiful, hand-drawn animation.

Pandorum. The premise--guys in space wake up from suspended animation without a fucking clue as to where they are or even who they are--is strong, immersing the audience in the characters' confusion and involving us in their quest to find out what's happened to them. Unfortunately, most of the scenes in Pandorum are so poorly lit that you can't really see what's going on, much less care. "What's happening? Is that guy dead? Wait...no, he's not...OK, now he's dead...I think." It probably didn't help that I saw Pandorum with a carload of friends at the Cascade Drive-In in West Chicago--it was very cool and much fun to go to a a drive-in for the first time in about 30 years, but a movie as dimly lit as Pandorum might not have been the best choice.

Halloween II. The only reason I saw this: It was the second feature of a double bill at the Cascade. The only reason I sat all the way through it: I've never walked out (or, in this case, driven out) of a movie before. Not Glitter. Not Howard the Duck. Not even the original Halloween II, which I consider one of my least-pleasant moviegoing experiences ever. This movie wasn't going to be the one to break me. But oh, it came so close. the best word for Rob Zombie's Halloween II is "wretched." It's a painful, joyless experience. And the Moody Blues should sue him for using "Knights in White Satin."

Jennifer's Body. I don't know what's more responsible for this movie tanking at the box office--the lousy ad campaign (which not only had crappy posters, but didn't even put those crappy posters on trains or buses or, really, any-fucking-where except the theater where I saw it), the poorly chosen release date (too far from Halloween to rope in the monster movie crowd and right up against a 3D animated feature, which wound up kicking Jennifer's ass) or backlash against screenwriter Diablo Cody. Whatever the case, it wasn't fair. Jennifer's Body is a throughly entertaining horror comedy with loads of Cody's trademark snappy, smartass dialog (if you didn't like it in Juno, you won't like it here) and a strong lead performance by Amanda Seyfried as Jennifer's best friend, who winds up saving the day and paying a tall price for it. (Also? She could only be considered plain and mousy when her costar is Megan Fox.) No, Jennifer isn't developed nearly enough as a character for us to care that much about her fate (odd that the title character is arguably the least engaging), and the actors sometimes stumble on that dialog (not everyone can be Ellen Page or J.K. Simmons, who also pops up here in a strange curly wig and with a hook for a hand). But there's plenty of blood for gorehounds, director Karyn Kusama keeps the pacing brisk and Diablo herself has a cameo (she's the bartender who serves Jennifer the red, white & blue shots). Jennifer's Body will find its audience on DVD, just like movies like Evil Dead found appreciative audiences on VHS.