New Year, New Me (Sort of)

I don't make New Year's resolutions anymore, mostly because I wind up being more disappointed in myself than I already am on any given day (which is to say, a lot). I can make a list and check it twice, but will inevitably find that, by the time December 31 rolls around, most of the items on that list will remain untouched.

I found it to be much more effective to forego the list and just go ahead and make adjustments in behavior. Not wholesale changes--not right away, anyway--but tweaks here and there designed to make things better in the long run.

Example: At the beginning of 2012, I was drinking soda one or twice a week, and always with meals; by the end of the year, I was drinking soda every day, whether I was eating a meal or not. I'd buy a ginger ale to drink with my lunch, then buy another right after. I'd buy a 2-liter of RC and finish it before that day was out.

I know why that happened. 2012 was not my best year. Too much work. Not enough play. Olivia's kidney failure diagnosis. A perpetual shortage of cash. And the ongoing Mojave desert that is my sex life. (You don't want to know how long it's been since I got laid. No, you don't.)

As a result of this depression-fueled soda spree, my body chemistry began to change--and not for the better. I felt sluggish, my mouth was perpetually dry, I had to go to the bathroom even more frequently than I usually did (I've always gone frequently), and while I did not gain any great deal of weight (I started the year at 260), I didn't lose any of the weight I was carrying, either. Throw in a couple of gallons of milk a week, and you can see where this ws headed: My body was speeding toward a breakdown, and I was stepping on the gas.

I say "was," rather than "is," because, with the new year, I've cut way the hell back on my soda intake. I haven't cut it out entirely--I still have a can or two of RC when I visit Mom for dinner, and I sometimes have a ginger ale with lunch during the week, though I usually just drink water. And milk? That's down to no more than one gallon a week (less if at all possible).

The results, like the changes themselves, are incremental, but nonetheless impressive: My mouth is no longer dry, I don't have to piss nearly as often, and my weight currently stands at 252--nowhere near where I'd like to be (220 would be much better), but headed in the right direction.

The adjustments don't stop there, though--nor are they confined to the strictly physical. Some attitude adjustments have been necessary as well.

Like this one: Get over hating pictures of myself.

I have never, ever liked looking at pictures of myself; listening to the sound of my own voice is painful as well (and considering how much I talk, that's a lot of pain to endure). But other people tell me they do like to see my face, even if I don't, so I recently posted this on my Facebook page:

Do I like this photo? No, I do not. Do you like this photo? Maybe. It is, I'll admit, tolerable--which means others may actually enjoy seeing what I look like for a change. And, judging from the comments on Facebook, people do.

New Year. New body chemistry. New attitude. New me? We'll see. But if you don't try to change, you'll still change nyway--for the worse.

And who knows what can happen--I might even gat laid this year.

(Okay. No need to go overboard with the optimism.)