Lack of Resolve

I hate making New Year’s resolutions. They feel like little admissions of defeat: "You don’t have enough self-control over what you eat or how much you exercise or how much you spend, so you have to make a list to remind you to do less of this and do more of that. Loser."

The sad fact is, though, that I really don’t exert enough control over parts of my life that should be well in my control. I should weigh less. I should exercise more. I shouldn’t owe as much as I do. I shouldn’t spend as much as I do. There needs to be more balance. There needs to be less stress.

So every year, I go back and forth, forth and back. Do I make resolutions? If so, would general goals be better than specific ones? Should I concentrate on one particular area for improvement--say, finances--or several--say, finances, health and creativity?

Most years, I decide against making a list--after all, I know what I need to do, so why not just get it done? Or not? While going through my documents folder on my work 'puter yesterday, though, I ran across something labeled "resolutions." From 2007. That I had completely forgotten I'd written.

Yikes.

With trepidation, I opened the document and checked out my resolutions from three years ago:

Use credit cards as little as possible; carry cards less frequently and pay in cash whenever possible. I rarely carry any of my cards with me, but large expenses the following year (especially relating to Ms. Christopher's illness) conspired to bring debt reduction to a standstill.

Eliminate at least one credit card this year, two if possible. I still haven't eliminated any of my cards, though one card cut my limit (while Christopher was sick--still haven't forgiven them for that) and another closed my account entirely.

Shop more for needs (groceries, clothing), less for wants (toys, DVDs). Sadly, this resolution has become reality. Shopping is now a most depressing exercise--it's not unusual for me to fill my basket, then walk around the store putting back about 75% of what I'd grabbed in the first place.

Make better use of economic assets: Sell off DVDs and CDs that get little use; continue to put spare change on transit card; cash in pennies at bank; sell items on eBay. I've sold off quite a few DVDs and CDs, but have yet to sell anything on eBay.

Bring lunch to work four days a week; set aside one day to go out for lunch. I bring lunch to work at least two days a week, usually three. Sometimes I make lunch and leave it in the fridge when I toddle off to the job. Sometimes, I remember to take the lunch out of the fridge, but leave it on the counter when I go to work.

Stay off of eBay unless looking for gifts for friends. I rarely buy gifts for friends on eBay these days, but I've cut way back on buying anything there, so there has been improvement in this area nonetheless.

Eat out less; go grocery shopping at least once a month. Other than occasionally ordering a pizza from Marie's or having an even more occasional dinner with friends, I usually make dinner myself. And by "make dinner," I mean "open a can of something and dump cheese and red pepper flakes on it."

Lose at least 20 more pounds. Er...I've actually gained weight since then.

Work out as least twice a week.I have bursts where I work out for weeks, then the routine gets broken for whatever reason--catch a cold, work late several nights in a row, etc.--and I never get back on it. Last month, I had two weeks where I worked out three times during the week, with many, many days where I didn't work out at all. This month? Two workouts--and counting.

Do at least 10 crunches every morning.Not so much. I do, however, do 40 crunches every time I work out, so if you spread those out over a month, it...still wouldn't add up to 10 a day.

Bring lunch to work four days a week; control portions.

Bring healthy snacks to work to augment lunch: Carrots, pretzels, dry cereal. I do this with the same regularity that I bring lunch--more often than I used to, but still not often enough.

Go to bed earlier—around 9:30 most nights. Ha! not even close. Most nights, I'm not in bed before 11, and not asleep before midnight. No wonder my dreams are so screwed up.

Get Canon AE-1 repaired and take more pictures. I did the first part--got Dad's old camera, which served me so well for so long, put back together properly. Wasn't cheap, but it was necessary. However, since Mom gave me the little digital camera that Christmas, I've rarely used the Canon AE-1, though I did recently dig it out when a friend said she needed head shots done. Its days may be numbered anyway--there aren't nearly as many film processors as there used to be, and the few that remain are shifting more and more toward digital.

Organize pictures better; make more large prints for sale. I only do large prints when friends request them and don't charge much beyond the procession cost. Not enough to pay my bus fare most days, much less actually supplement my income.

Update website at least twice a month; post movie reviews at least once a month. Well, the movie review thing fell to the side, but now that I upload photos to the bloggity nearly every day, there's fresh content on it far more often, though I now write essays on it a lot less. I have been working at getting old essays back up here, though. Looking back on my older writing has been somewhat revelatory--I like many of the essays and might just try collecting them in some sort of themed book, but I don't care for the movie reviews that much. Too much sass and snark, not enough analysis and informative commentary. In short, not all that well-written. No wonder I couldn't get a job as a critic--I'm not very good at it.