No News I Can Use

Saturday morning, I was eating brunch in my usual spot--I hadn't planned on going out for food, but after the previous evening of celebrating a co-worker's departure with many V&Ts, something more substantial than a bowl of oatmeal was necessary--when the TV behind the counter displayed some breaking news: An earthquake had been reported off the coast of Oregon registering 6.0 on the Richter Scale. I don't know much about earthquakes--we rarely get them here in Illinois, and when we do they're usually a 1 or a 2--but I do know that's kinda big. One of my MySpace/Blogger friends lives in the Portland area, and another MySpace friend is from there, so I was a touch concerned about everybody's welfare.

After I finished my skirt steak skillet--which, along with at least half a dozen cups of coffee, did an admirable job of muzzling my hangover--I did a bit of grocery shopping and stopped back at La Casa del Terror, assuming I'd be able to readily find news on cable to let me know whether or not the Northwest corner of our country had tumbled into the Pacific or not.

But what happens when you assume? That's right--ass, you, me.

I tried many of the news channels--MSNBC, CNBC, Headline News, CNN--only to find them taking up time with weekend programming. So if I wanted to protect my identity from a thief or find out about life in a maximum-security prison, I was in luck. What if I wanted to know about Portland possibly being flat as a pancake? Too bad.

The only cable news network running live coverage of any kind was Fox. They were not, however, covering Oregon (had I imagined that story?)--they were reporting on Atlanta, where a tornado had struck the downtown area and more threatening weather was on the way. This was also of concern to me--Mr. and Mrs. Fluffy live down there. Were they okay? The footage didn't look promising. But at least Fox was showing something. I may not like them much--their motto is "Fair and Balanced" when they're anything but--but at least they were covering the story. (Even CNN, which is based in Atlanta, didn't cover the story as extensively as Fox--CNN should be embarrassed.) I shot an email down to Mrs. Fluffy and waited.

The next day, she replied--the tornado had passed within a mile of their home, but they were fine. As for Oregon, it wasn't until this morning that I read that the state was still, in fact, part of the mainland--the earthquake, while substantial, had happened in the ocean, well offshore, and no substantial damage had been reported.

Good to know. Too bad most of the organizations charged with reporting the news couldn't inform me in anything approximating a timely manner. Or did I just have the misfortune of tuning in at the wrong time--like, when I actually needed information?