Review: The Brainiac (1961)

I know most Mexican horror films from the '50s and '60s are pretty bloody weird, but The Brainiac has got to top them all.

The Baron Vitelius of Artera (played by the producer, Abel Salazar) is put before the "Inquisition of New Spain" in 1661 for worshipping Satan, enticing women into evil, kicking puppies, stealing candy from babies, etc. Only one friend speaks up for him, and that dude gets 200 lashes for his trouble. (No wonder everybody else kept his mouth shut.) The tribunal decides to burn the baron at the stake, and he takes this verdict very well: He says something about not wanting to die with chains on and then makes them vanish! (But...if the baron has that kind of power, why does he let the Inquisition burn him to death?)

As the baron is being toasted like a marshmallow, a comet passes overhead. He then vows to return when the comet does in 300 years (how does he know that that's when the comet will return?) and wipe out the descendants of the Inquisition tribunal. (Why not just wipe out the tribunal now and eliminate the possibility of descendants?)

Flash forward 300 years to modern Mexico, where a young couple (she's a curvy descendant of one of the inquisitors; he's the descendant of the one friend who spoke up for the baron) has a strong interest in astronomy. They visit their local observatory, where the head guy is very excited about this comet that's supposed to appear--a comet not seen in 300 years (uh oh). Sure enough, the comet returns and spits out a chunk of comet containing--guess who?--the baron.

Only he doesn't look a thing like the baron. When an unfortunate passer-by stumbles across the chunk of comet, it turns into this freaky monster with a hairy, pulsating head, furry lobster-like claws and an enormous forked tongue it uses to suck the poor guy's brains out. He then steals his victim's clothing and runs into the lovely young couple, who have come out to find the chunk of comet.

And it just gets stranger, kids. The revived baron throws a party and invites all of the descendants (including the lovely young couple). He then starts knocking them off one or two at a time, always coming over to visit them, turning into the hairy freak with the enormous tongue and trying to make it all look like an accident, even though the local cops notice the two holes that appear to be drilled in each of the victim's skulls. The baron collects the brains in a bowl and eats them with a spoon! And just as he's about to knock off the lovely young couple, the cops show up--with flamethrowers! (Now that's a SWAT team!)

All of this in just over an hour. Whew.

The Brainiac is one of those movies that will have you saying "What the fuck?" over and over again. Whether or not this constitutes an enjoyable movie-watching experience is up to the individual viewer. Me? I'm ready for another heapin' helpin' of brains in a bowl right now...