The Month in Photos: March 2009

Friday is Bring Your Gigantic Flying Reptile to Work Day

Last week, when I brought a large, imposing dragon to work, one of my comrades-in-arms mistook Draco for an older, more famous flying menace: Rodan, star of his own Japanese monster movie and co-star in numerous others with Godzilla, Mothra and many more. this coworker remembered that when he was a child in Alabama, his uncle, after having seen the original movie, claimed to have seen the prehistoric terror swooping low over the smokestacks of the factories and mills of Bessemer, a suburb of Birmingham.

The imagination of a ten year old is a furnace that doesn't require much to keep it stoked, so what would it do with such a potent shovelful of fossil fuel? It would burn long and red with terror. And so it did.

Now, at the end of a month of giant monsters, I might as well go out big while rousing a few flashbacks in my wake. And you can't go much bigger then the Shogun Warriors Rodan.

Back in the late '70s, Mattel produced a series of enormous robot toys called Shogun Warriors (based on Japanese toy manufacturer Popy's giant Mazinger figures). Part of this line was a version of Godzilla that shot a tongue of flame out of its mouth, as a proper Godzilla should. (The flame was triggered by a lever at the back of his neck; this lever snapped off pretty easily, and most second-hand Shogun Godzillas have only stumps to work with.) He was also able to shoot his left hand at his opponents (something the movie Godzilla could never do.)

Since Mattel had Godzilla in their Shogun Warriors and he was, by this point in his "career" a good guy, they must have thought, "Hey...doesn't he need someone to fight?" And thus, we have Rodan, rendered in plastic with grasping claws (strung with rubber bands), flapping wings (also strung with a rubber band and operated by three bowling ball-style holes in his back) and snapping jaws (operated by a much stronger lever than Godzilla had). His wingspan is fairly amazing--over 40 inches from tip to tip--and he can be seen from damn near any vantage point in the office.

This has, of course, prompted many more questions from coworkers, most along the lines of, "Do you display all these things in your apartment? How big is your place, anyway?"

My apartment is no bigger than average, I'd guess, and no, I don't display all of the toys I own in it; I'd need an apartment closer to the size of the Field Museum for that.

But Rodan? You're damn right I've got him on display at home--proudly on display at that.

The Importance of Proofreading: Woves at the Door

On Sunday, March 22, the NBA's Minnesota Timberwolves honored former player Sam Mitchell by handing out prints to the first 5,000 fans to show up for their game against the Oklahoma City Thunder, as part of the Timberwolves' 20th anniversary celebration.

It's a lovely print, except...does that say "Woves" on his jersey? Who, exactly, are the "Woves"?

Tuesday is Bring Your Flying Turtle to Work Day

As you might imagine, many of my coworkers not only take notice of Bring Your Action Figure to Work Day--they also have many questions.

Who is that? If you don't know, you don't need to. Move along.

How much did that cost you? None of your damn business.

Do you really own all those...things? Yes. Yes, I do. (Insert confused/alarmed/frightened look here.)

Occasionally, the questions relate neither to my income nor my relative state of sanity. Sometimes, coworkers want to know if there's "more where that came from." The answer, generally speaking, is, "Yes. yes, there is."

Example: The first time I brought a Godzilla toy in, I was asked whether or not I had a toy of Gamera the flying turtle at home as well.

"Well, now that you mention it..."

Friday is Bring Your Big Freakin' Dragon to Work Day

When the movie Dragonheart came out over a decade ago, toy company Kenner put out the usual accompanying action figure line, including all the major characters (you too can own a mini-Dennis Quaid!) and, of course, the dragon himself, Draco (as voiced in the film by Sean Connery).

The movie did well enough at the box office and on VHS to spawn a couple of direct-to-Blockbuster "sequels," but the toy line tanked, with the figures clogging the discount bins at major retailers for years to come.

For the most part, that wasn't exactly a shame--the toys were pretty boring. There was, however, one toy in the line that didn't deserve such a fate: The deluxe Draco figure, who came in a big box and had to be assembled for display and play. He is supposed to make sounds--he roars, his heart beats, and he speaks a couple of lines of dialog in a voice this is most decidedly not Sean Connery. Unfortunately, the voice box on this guy don't work that well anymore; you have to hold him really close to your ear to hear what he's saying.

Still, he looks great standing atop my kitchen cabinets--or, for today, at my workstation--and has an impressive wingspan (not visible in the photo above, although you can see a coworker's Yoda action figure attempting to tame the savage beast.)

Spring Has Sprung

Happy Vernal Equinox, everyone.

Paving the Way

On my walk to work from the train station every morning, I spend much of my time with my head down. It's not because of the harsh winds blowing off of Lake Michigan, nor because the daily trudge to the job is particularly depressing, though both of those can be contributing factors on any given day.

No. My head is down because I have to watch out for potholes as I cross the downtown streets, lest I land in one and sprain or even break an ankle.

I wish I were engaging in hyperbole, but I'm not. Even the crosswalks a block away from City Hall are so pitted and rough that removing the asphalt entirely would make it easier and safer to get around. And if that's how bad the streets in the Loop are, just imagine what it's like out in the neighborhoods, especially the poorer neighborhoods on the west and south sides--areas that, by sheer coincidence, I'm sure, happen to have the city's greatest concentrations of people of color, most especially African-Americans.

But you don't have to imagine it, do you? You've walked or driven the streets and alleys. You know how bad it is out there.

The City of Chicago knows how bad it is too, but they've said that there's not much they can do about it. This past winter was unusually harsh, opening up potholes faster than the city can fill them, and with the economy being as bad as it is, they couldn't afford to fill them anyway.

Why, then, after saying the city doesn't have the scratch to repair and repave roads, is the city repaving the streets surrounding Washington Park on the city's south side?

Because that's where Mayor Richard M. Daley wants to hold the Olympics in 2016, and a team from the International Olympic Committee just happens to be visiting the site in April.

It doesn't matter that, of all of the people I've talked to about the possibility of having the 2016 Olympics in Chicago, not one of them is enthusiastic about the prospect--most, if fact, can't stand the idea. Too much additional traffic (both public and automotive) in a city that can't seem to handle the traffic it has now, not to mention the elevated security threats the city would face.

It doesn't matter that Mayor Daley and his lieutenants have pledged over and over again that the taxpaying public won't get stuck with the bill for the Olympics, that most of the costs for building the facilities and upgrading city services like public transportation will be taken care of by combination of federal grants and private donations.

It doesn't matter that there are many, many more stretches of road in this city that are used by the people who live and die and work and spend here every day of the year that are in far worse shape.

It doesn't matter that there are far more pressing concerns in Chicago, like the expanding tax rates for just about everything, contracting salaries and job market, and skyrocketing number of children being gunned down on those same pothole-pocked avenues and boulevards.

All that matters is that company's a'comin', and Mayor Daley wants to spruce up the joint--at taxpayer expense.

Your needs? Your opinion? Don't matter a damn.