Review: Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)

Okay. You've witnessed the cinematic tragedies that are Plan 9 from Outer Space, Robot Monster and Night of the Lepus. You believe you've seen the worst of the worst. You believe you're strong.

You're wrong. Heaven help you, you're wrong.

Dracula vs. Frankenstein flopped out of the festering mind of one Al Adamson, whose films are just as bad as anything Ed Wood produced, but Adamson was much more prolific. He was squeezing out cinematic stink bombs through most of the 1960s and 1970s, all of which were put together over time out of various scraps of film (sometimes wedding foreign horror films with the domestic variety)--and all of them suck. This movie may suck worse than the rest, though, because it uses old monster movie stars to no good end and severely fucks with the two most famous fiends in all of horror literature.

The plot revolves around a blonde, busty Vegas entertainer (Regina Carrol--who, by sheer coincidence, was Adamson's wife). After we're forced to watch her pathetic act, we see her receive a telegram informing her that her sister has gone missing in sunny California. Like most good sisters would, our entertainer goes off to investigate. She meets with a cranky cop (Jim Davis from Dallas) and tries to dig up more leads at a local hangout, where she's slipped LSD and has a not-so-groovy trip. A hunky guy (Anthony Eisley) takes her in and joins the investigation.

Meanwhile, Count Dracula (Zandor Vorkov, who looks like an anemic Elliot Gould) digs up Frankenstein's Monster (John Bloom, whose head looks like an overdone marshmallow) and heads over to the seaside House of Horrors owned by Dr. Duray (J. Carroll Naish, who dresses like Colonel Sanders), the last living member of the Frankenstein Clan. Duray has been conducting experiments on pretty young girls (guess where the sister wound up?) and sends out his huge, mute assistant (Lon Chaney Jr.) to do the dirty work.

Dracula and Duray revive the Monster using equipment left over from the set of Bride of Frankenstein and use the Monster to get revenge on the scientist who ruined Duray's career (Famous Monsters of Filmland editor Forrest J. Ackerman).

Eventually, monster, vampire, mad scientist and blonde all collide, and most everybody dies in some nasty way. The funniest death scene goes to the Monster who, in his climactic battle with Dracula, suffers about the same amount of damage as the Black Knight did in "Monty Python & The Holy Grail.

Does this sound bad? It gets worse. This is the last film for both Naish and Chaney, both of whom had been horror stars back in the 1940s. Naish gives his performance from a wheelchair and is obviously reading cue cards most of the time. Chaney has no dialog and sweats a lot. Angelo Rossito, a dwarf who appeared in many horror films (including Freaks) is also on hand, suffering along with everybody else. Russ Tamblyn, who starred in some decent movies (including The Haunting) in the 1960s (and later played Dr. Jacobi on Twin Peaks), shows up as a biker. Ackerman, a respected horror film expert (listed as "Technical Advisor" in the credits), should have known better than to lend his name to this piece of absolute trash, but at least his part is small and he dies quickly and painfully.

Dracula vs. Frankenstein is a low point in cinema history. Viewers get sucked in by well-known actors and get rewarded with bad writing, worse photography and the last, weak performances from a couple of horror legends. You may think you've been slipped some LSD yourself after viewing this waste of film.